Seriously, I am 48 years old and was just fired today. I showed up for work a little after 7 a.m. and the HR person came to my cubicle and said she needed to talk to me and took me to her office. The bump-on-the-log owner of the company was already sitting there, looking like one of the Easter Island statues. Just as silent as one, too. I already knew this was not going to be a “we’re giving you a raise” meeting.
I was being let go for failing to perform the duties of my job – the fourth person in three years under this supervisor. I find it hard to believe that the supervisor would have such bad luck and end up with four bad employees in a row. A variety of emotions poured through me as I thought about my new employment status. I was frustrated and REALLY wanted to let out a huge eye roll. But things at the office had gotten so poisonous, soon I realized the feelings that stayed were relief and happiness. I was so relieved that the decision to cut the cord was made for me. I was happy because I wouldn’t have to wake with a sense of dread and my days wouldn’t consist of being mere feet from my toxic supervisor. Just the sight of her these past few weeks brought on waves of nausea.
But I knew this was coming. And not because I signed any type of correction plan, because I certainly wasn’t given one of those. For at least the past month everything about me from head to toe felt unsettled and uncomfortable with regards to work. I started experiencing stomach pains to the degree they were waking me up at night. I had gone to the doctor about this and he had given me some things to try, but I had a feeling nothing would help.
Yesterday I was visiting with a friend and told her that, although things were quiet at work, I felt like I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. The longer I was under this supervisor, the more apparent it became that this was not a good fit; my best qualities as a person and employee were becoming more and more stifled and my self esteem was crumbling. Yet I needed this job because I needed medical benefits. The very job that was providing my medical benefits was the same job causing me to use them due to stress. Crazy!
As I started to reflect back, I realized that, about a month ago, I began taking home what little personal items I had at work. I began deleting older emails and getting rid of some nice-to-know-but-don’t-need paperwork. Something was driving me to start clearing out of that place and it was almost like an obsession. I had a vacation coming up in a matter of weeks yet that same drive was telling me not to bother putting the paperwork in for time off. I had constantly been asking and praying to find a better job as soon as possible. Taking the positive view, I’m guessing I needed to get out of this job first because it had dramatically reduced my ability to be optimistic about anything. The perfect job could hit me upside the head and I wouldn’t be able to see it!
It’s quite clear the Universe had been telling me that I was way overdue to leave this toxic, toxic environment and since I hadn’t, the Universe took things into its own hands. Do I believe I deserved to be let go? No. But are my soul and spirit desperately in need of healing? Absolutely! And the Universe is aware of this. I think I knew I was leaving the job before the job did. The knowledge and power of the Universe really is amazing. It may not give you what you ask for in the way you pictured it, but rather in a way that will benefit you most.
Now that the Universe has taken over my situation, I’ll enjoying watching things fall into place and balance back out.
And guess what? My stomach hasn’t hurt at all today.
Stay tuned my follow up!
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Nami lives in Northern California with her favorite two and four-legged men, Dad and Bahati (respectively). She’s an aspiring fiction writer whose law enforcement and social work experience helps inspire unique insight for her stories. Nami is currently in the midst of writing her first two manuscripts, so keep watch!